Blog post from Gayski.de
13.12.2008
This was the beginning
It all started with the ski suit in my earliest childhood. The smooth, shiny, when putting on still cool fabric of the ski suit, plus the soft, wadding-like filling, that always had a physical appeal for me.
Published on 09.01.2023
(The italicized parts overlap with the 20111002MittelpunktMeinesLeben post from the Gaycycling.de Blog).
But it also had to be the same shiny smooth fabric on the inside as it was on the outside. Ski suits with cottony interiors were absolutely uninteresting to me, downright disgusting. The same goes for modern functional fabrics and materials in ski clothing, all of which are neither smooth nor shiny - such a shame! :(
As a child, I gave the body sensation triggered by the smooth, cold fabric, as well as the material itself, the name "diaper soft". Often, for things for which I had no names, I simply invented some. That is how phrases like "I want to be diaper soft" or, "I want to feel diaper soft" were created.
Most of the time I did not even want to take off my ski suit after a walk in the snow, which was so scary to my parents that they finally took it away.
Again, the same advice as in the Gaycycling.de blog to all parents who are in a similar situation as my parents were at that time: allow it, do not forbid your children to put on or wear something they obviously like, even if the sexual dimension of it all might be creepy for you. A ban can damage the development of your child more seriously than you think, at least far more than if you simply allow it.
In fact, this ban from my parents haunted me for a long time into adulthood. But nowadays I am not angry with them for that, it was a very different time back then!
Walking in the snow with a ski suit, riding a bike with a cycling suit - for people other than us who have that preference, it is quite normal.
But those who have such a special preference - and then were also shaped by a ban in childhood - have a shyness to move outside with the actually beloved clothing or even to show it to other people.
When I started with bbkus webservices and created websites about my preferences, it was mainly others who wore the clothes for me. But not myself, it just did not feel right, made me partly even afraid. Since that time also my parents know about the special meaning of sportswear for me. :)
At the beginning of my thirties finally, in this time these pictures here were taken, I finally took the courage and said to myself, it just had to be explainable. Wearing a ski suit in winter while shopping, for example, would be very explainable, even if there was snow only on the mountains.
In december 2008 I hav no driving license for a car yet and the scooter is conceivably unsuitable for a trip to the snowy mountains. Thus, my parents were the only way for me to get to the mountains. On this trip here my father was driving and also taking pictures.
When I lay there in the snow like a snowrabbit in a ski suit and felt how I sank in, how the snow took on my shape, how the material of the ski suit felt on my body when I turned my hips slightly back and forth or moved them up and down, then I felt: This is it - a real moment of happiness!
Before the smile detection (see also 20111002Laechelausloeser on the Gaycycling.de Blog) there were very few photos of me - and these were among the first ones in which I liked myself.
Ultimately, though, it was the smile detection that changed my image of myself and helped me overcome shyness and fully accept myself. But with these pictures, the beginning was made.<(i>
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